Where the Hell is Our Dog Food? A Hunting Story

Newman wants ‘his’ food

Where the Hell is Our Dog Food? A Hunting Story – Al Getler

There are two mutts and one two-legged Chihuahua that are hungry. I am out hunting for food to feed them.

I have hunted now for almost two hours and have yet to hit my target. My weapons of choice are a Chrysler 300 and an iPhone. Relax. It is not the horrific scene you envision.

With the car as my hunting mount, I am darting in and out of stores asking for Harmony Farm Dog Food. Why Harmony Farm? Because it is ‘natural’ and my lovely wife Nancy insists on only the best for these three dogs.

These same three dogs that will go out in the yard, seek, sniff and eat whatever it is that smells even the slightest bit appealing. I will not list the things I have witnessed them consume. You may be eating or enjoying a cup of your favorite beverage. Just trust me when I say that searching parts Massachusetts of New Hampshire for this specific food makes little sense to me.

Our local Shaws Supermarket had Harmony Farm Dog Food on sale for half price in July. I couldn’t believe my luck. I stocked up on dog food like ‘Clifford the Big Red Dog’ was coming for a visit (can you imagine cleaning up after that dog?) What I didn’t realize until now is that it was a sale to discontinue the product. I wish they had told me.

Apparently our local Shaws had called for every other store in a 15 mile radius to pull Harmony Farms Dog Food off their shelves as well. I am sure it had something to do directly with ‘The Getler Dogs’. The grocers probably met at their monthly meeting and decided they would fix our snobby K-9’s. They probably said nasty things like, “Let those Getler dogs eat red-dyed, dried wheatie-like, unidentifiable food by-products like the rest of the dogs.” And I am not sure I disagree.

The Hunt

On my way to pick up God’s gift to beauty and grace at dance school, my nine-year-old daughter, I stopped at one pet food store and three supermarkets. This wasn’t random. I have purchased Harmony Farms Dog Food for these three spoiled mutts at each of the places before. Yet, when I asked a person at each store about the brand, they gave me a look like I had just asked in a foreign language.

“¿Dónde mantiene las granjas armonía comida para perros?” (Please do not write and tell me that this translation is incorrect. Blame Microsoft Translate)

Gone. Vanished. Disappeared. It reminded me of when I was a child and my parents would sell the house and move while I was at school. In that case, I always found them. The old man drove an orange VW Bug and it was easy to spot.

Seriously though, how do you stop selling a brand of dog food and claim no knowledge?

What I learned

I was not about to go home empty-handed! Three sets of eyes looking sadly at me were more than I could handle. Besides, my wife says we have to ‘transition’ them to a new food or they will get diarrhea. Oh, but that unidentified brownish thing (that may or may not have had hair) I saw Newman eat off the ground outside, that is okay. He didn’t seem to suffer any from that, but yes, let us ‘transition’ the dog food.

That said, I could not fail my wife. I began calling every supermarket listed on the Harmony Farms Dog Food website. I learned a few things:

– Harmony Food Dog Food HAS a website with a very thorough store locator – Good
– The stores listed didn’t seem to have the food as I went down the list – Bad
– Supermarket phone systems suck – Bad
– Teenagers that answer the phones in a couple of the stores need serious training – Really bad
– Willy, a night manager in my hometown Shaws is a prince and spent a good amount of time investigating the situation to get me answers. – Great
– One grocery person was so sweet to check, came back to the phone and suggested to check the competitor. “That’s where I shop,” she said. – Good for me. Bad for the place where she worked.


I called the Hannaford supermarket that was where the woman mentioned above shopped. The guy that answered the phone knew the brand. Eureka! He was pretty sure they had it in stock. Eureka again! He put me on hold, came back and confirmed that they had Harmony Farms Dog Food. Come to daddy! WE can now ‘transition’ to a new, more popular organic dog food made with nature’s finest ingredients.

The Transition

All is now good in our household. We will begin the ‘transition’ now. It is a shame we have to ‘transition’ our dogs from Harmony Dog Food as they seemed to enjoy it.

It is really very little wonder why they enjoy this food. I read the ingredients of the new natural dog food we are ‘transitioning’ to. The label says: Made with brownish things (that may or may not have hair) and other droppings found in public places.

Do you just discontinue product offerings without informing your customers or explaining to your staff why you made the decision? Share your thoughts in the Disqus section after this post or by clicking HERE if you are reading it in an email.

Here is a BONUS! The Harmony Farms Video and Theme Song!


Al Getler is a newspaper, website, book and magazine publisher. He is also a comedian/ventriloquist and a speaker on leadership, customer service and personal branding.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.